Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Things I'm learning lately....

1. He is ENOUGH, period. I have found myself becoming disappointed with people rather easily lately. No one person in particular, just various situations in life. God REALLY convicted me in this area because the problem wasn't that people were necessarily doing things (or NOT doing things, in some cases) to spite me or anything like that. It was that I was relying too much on PEOPLE, and not enough on GOD. By design, PEOPLE are not created to be "enough" in my life. But HE is. I need to focus more on HIM, and less on my expectations and desires of others. Chances are, I was falling short in most of those situations as well.

2. He is not limited by my feeble mind. Another area I've been super convicted lately is not trusting God to work fully in all situations. Well, let me be a bit more specific. I trust Him with things. I believe that He has the power to change any human life. I just sort of put boundaries on what I expect him to be able to do. AND THAT'S SO WRONG. Sometimes, God chooses to work in a situation by having us accept it for exactly what it is, not changing anything about it. Sometimes, He changes tiny details and circumstances in ways that affect bigger things. And sometimes, He TOTALLY steps in and changes things completely around. Any way He chooses to work-- it's for His glory. Who am I to tell Him (or others) how I think He is going to work??? Because I'm probably going to be wrong! I'm probably underestimating Him.

3. Community is a BEAUTIFUL thing. I've had the greatest joy watching the community I am from rally behind several of its own lately. This is one picture of community. An actual physical, demographic community. But it's also a totally perfect picture of a Godly, Biblical community. Stepping in and taking care of your own. No matter the cost. No matter the labor. No matter the reason. Love.

4. I am totally doing what God called me to do. For a while, I secretly struggled with the desire to be a stay-at-home-mom. Not even because I had this burning passion or desire to stay at home with Parker because I thought that was God's plan for our family. But for totally selfish reasons- some big reasons like "Well, all of my friends get to stay at home with their kids and I'm jealous." or "I'm missing out on SO much that I could be doing with Parker." or even ridiculous little things like "I could do more sewing/scrapbooking/napping/blogging/crafting/playdates/etc." I also found myself feeling inadequate up next to some of the women I know who ARE stay at home moms. BUT THAT IS NOT WHAT GOD CALLED ME TO DO! Believe me, if God calls me to stay at home and raise my child (and other children if He chooses to bless us with them), I will totally, wholeheartedly be thankful and gladly transition in to that role. BUT- right now, He has called me to love on some absolutely AMAZING high school students in a public school setting, and I LOVE IT. Sure, some days are super tough and I want to pull my hair out and cry and yell, etc., but for the most part, what I do is a tremendous blessing. My kids are the best- I love them as though they were family. I get to invest in their lives. And hopefully, in the process, I get to be a reflection of Christ, even if I can't BLATANTLY share Christ with them. It truly is the best job in the world.

More later.... this is probably a lot to digest considering my last few posts have been so skimpy/frivolous/non-informational. Ha!


Lindsay said...

I'm so glad you shared your heart. Isn't God so big? I love that we can learn NEW things about him all the time. :)

Amber said...

Great post! Thanks for sharing that!

LindseYaYa said...

Oh I loved this post. And I love your heart and your ability to reflect so honestly. It encourages me to do the same.

As far as the SAHM thing- it is great... but hard... and lonely... and probably the most 'thankless' thing I've ever been a part of. It's right for us- where we are now... but that's bc God's called me to be here. And because of that calling- I make a decision every morning to Choose Joy. He's trying to 'grow' me. I can feel it. But I miss the classroom. I miss relationships. I miss having the opportunity to reach kids that are just waiting for a break- someone to believe in them. I miss being able to wear nice clothes without the fear of (other peoples) bodily fluids ruining them. And honestly, most of all, I miss a challenge. The challenge that every school day brings... I miss pushing myself and learning.

Now, I DO get challenged here at home. But it's different. It's a constant race against myself... and no one is watching or caring if I win or lose that day. It can be lonely. That's why I MUST choose joy everyday. Staying home has it's perks- no doubt! But it has it's drawbacks too... and I just have to trust that God will meet me where I am. That He will show up everyday to remind me that I'm not alone. Ever.

Love you. Keep writing. xo

Amber said...

I've been coming back to this post throughout the past few days. Its been motivating for me. Thanks again for sharing your heart, Janee. You never know what God will lay on your heart and how it will affect someone else by simply posting it on a blog! :o)